Deciding to serve
After I finished watching Schindler’s List the other day, my father asked me what the movie made me feel. He was obviously wondering what it made me feel about Judaism and my conversion. It made me feel a great sense of tragedy at the fact that human beings are capable of such horrific actions. Even though god is able to use such events for good, they are purely evil and should cause us to weep with sorrow. The persecution of the Jews at the hands of Christians has been a horrific example of our failure to live up to the standard of God.
Yet, as I already wrote about in my post on Schindler and Discipleship, the thing the film actually reinforced in me was my need to do more with my talents and energies to help others. Truthfully, more than anything else the film reconfirmed my desire to serve a full time mission. If Schindler were willing and able to bring himself to bankruptcy and to risk his life in order to do good, what kind of a supposed disciple would I be were I unwilling to sacrifice a couple of years and some supposed financial security in order to serve the lord.
I have also been reading Terryl Givens People of Paradox and was again struck by the sacrifices of the pioneers. They were willing to give up so much in order to build up the kingdom. I am not asked to give nearly as much. I know that I would gain as much as I give from the process. I know that I would be able to help others and to make a real difference in the Lord’s kingdom.
What is holding me back?
I still have months to make a final decision and I know that I will be torn back and forth because I am too weak to decide once and for all.