Looking back at the whole program, I can hardly imagine summing up all of my feelings. It was such a complex experience for me. The presentations made me realize how powerfully emotional this experience was for each of the individuals involved, but I feel that only a few had quite the personal identity challenge that I had.

The week immediately after the program had me staying with my cousin and aunt. It was than that I realized how much my perspective had shifted over the past few years. The vicious political arguments and fights I found myself involved in made me feel like a complete outsider. I continually find myself accused of wanting to see the state of Israel destroyed and not caring what happens to my family or others living there. This has been an incredibly painful and difficult phenomenon because I strongly care about them and feel that what I am fighting for is in the state of Israel’s best interests.

This experience led me to realize that Israel has been a nation stilted from dealing with its internal challenges. The conflict has distracted it from coming to terms with so many deep rooted ills. I find that the potential contradictions inherent in the states character may never be overcome, but know that they never will be even tackled while foreign policy is the only salient policy divide between political parties.

I’ve also come away incredibly pessimistic on the whole. The hope for peace that was present in the 90’s just seems completely gone in the eyes of the Israeli public. Israeli’s seem to have no grand policy ambitions of goals, and just hope to continue the status quo and avoid any major harm or disaster. The public conflates the Palestinians with the greater war on terrorism and radical Islam to such a degree that trust seems impossible. Internally, minorities are despised and treated with such open contempt. Everyone must constantly reassert his rights and credentials to be part of nation. It is a tragic existence of constant tension and lack of self confidence. It is one that I’ve painfully been a part of. It is one that challenges one’s own personal dignity and one’s integrity.

The democratic nature of the state of Israel hardly seems to assist in this process. The Knesset seems stagnant and unable to do anything unique. Our Bedouin day at the Knesset seems to have just been rhetoric, because soon after several houses were again demolished. Likewise, this democracy seems to be full of rhetoric and hard on concrete action. It is depressing to see such an unresponsive democratic government. Just like the people, the government seems to be cruising and trying to avoid catastrophe, but attempting little more than that.

On the NGO front, hope is hardly generated as well. Organizations seem too disorganized and seem to attract too little in terms of grassroots support to actually lead to fundamental change. These organizations seem to be continually mobilizing their own limited base of activists and making little impact. The average Israeli is completely ignorant of most of their actions. Only a few groups reach mainstream consciousness and are then most likely to be the most timid. Little seems to be accomplished on this front.

It is utterly depressing to feel so drained of any hope. The Israeli government continues its policy of occupation and internal destruction so efficiently, and it seems that nothing can be done. It will soon be too late for a two state solution based on just principles, and than I fear that a Jewish state will not be able to sustain itself aside from through bloodshed. It is so fundamentally important for me to see the state continue, because I understand what the holocaust paranoia and fear of oppression will do if threatened. I understand that an individual who feels danger from all sides will respond with aggression or even force at the slightest provocation. I understand that balance is needed because without it the region will constantly be in danger of a sprawling and spreading war. We may be dealing with the last bits of hope before a dark age of conflict dawns. We would be wise to capitalize on the last throes of opportunity while it Is still possible.

Yet, a few things give me hope. The Bedouin and the fewer Palestinians I met with a talked to all seemed to believe that peace was in some way still possible. They knew that hard concessions would be needed on their part and on the part of their governments, but were willing to act to achieve peace. I still truly believe that Israelis also want peace. They view it as unreachable and view the peace process as a dangerous one, but still will succumb to their longing to harmony if they view it as within their grasp. The public can rally behind a true leader questing for peace. Israel’s on the whole would be willing to give up almost anything to feel true serenity. They just don’t believe that this serenity is possible at all. In this sense, things can change. Optimism and hope can and must be resuscitated within the Israeli public. Democratic societies have the beautiful quality of being incredibly dynamic. Things will change. People will once again feel that peace is possible. Hopefully this change will not occur too late.

Three chaotic and amazing days in Jordan deserve a lot more thought and reflection than will be provided here, but also do not raise many new thoughts about the conflict and therefore will be served with brief recaps and some small reflections.

First, I will talk about both entering and exiting the country. I was blown away by how easy leaving the country was. With my American passport, I faced absolutely no questioning or challenge. I am so used to the process of continual apprehension that leaving from Ben Gurion airport entails. This was a relaxing emigration process that thoroughly shocked me. Entering the country was the usual mix of nerves of course. I was asked a few tentative questions in jest and told that I should come to Israel because its better than America, but the process was light and relatively carefree for me. For others in the group on the other hand, this was a hellish process of several hours. I was truly disturbed and disgusted by this. Honestly, it was just morally painful to see friends I’d made over the course of this course held for so long on suspicion of their nationality or background. The process once again seemed so arbitrary with a very lengthy time spent waiting for nothing at all. One would think they could expedite the process and make it more standard by keeping someone constantly in place to question those of Arab or Muslim backgrounds, but I think the arbitrary delays are part of the intended process. This is there to make individuals feel awkward and uncomfortable. The double checks I’ve heard about from Bedouin in Lakiya also serve this point. The intention is to make those subject to it feel different and ostracized. It is intended to make the whole process feel as non standard and unstructured as possible. This is in some ways thoroughly disgusting. Engineering tension and discomfort should not be the goal of national immigration.

Jordan was incredible and so relaxing and layed back.  Our dead sea hotel was possibly the best I’ve ever been to. It was honestly just incredible. Three swimming pools, four restaurants and the dead sea make for an incredible resort. It was impressive to see the Jordinian side even more nicely adorned than the Israeli side. It was weird to be looking over the horizon and seeing the country of my birth from a distance. I’ve been on the other side of this sea so often, so looking from another angle was very interesting.

Mt. Nebo was interesting because it was a place of reverence for all three major religions. Unlike most of the other holy places, none dispute the value of this location to the other. By default, this place is Christian oriented because historically there was a Christian church here, but it was clearly revered by all the faiths. It was nice to see such a truly mixed historic site that has seen little if any conflict. It makes me cautiously optimistic for the potential power sharing of holy sites.

Jerash was very impressive. The Roman and Greek empires both inspire so much awe and reverence in my heart. Sometimes I feel that our modern culture can hardly parallel or compete with these ancient monolithic masters. Yet, they did fall. The potential for growth or decay is possible for each nation and individual. America’s position today is not guaranteed for long, and its arrogance and imperialism is likely to be its downfall. Only a just power can sustain itself for long. Otherwise, an empire built by force and terror will fall apart. We would be wise to learn these lessons.

Amman was a modern city in every way. This included the Popeye’s Chicken and Pizza Hut chains among others. This is a youthful city filled with students and schools, and this feeling is very strong. This is a country going through a renaissance of education and reform and even a visitor can instantly feel this dynamic. In Israel, in contrast, there is both the feeling of economic growth and social decay. Society is falling apart in many fundamental ways. Corruption has led to extreme public apathy. It is interesting to compare the two prospective societies for several reasons.

I met one of the sons of Salim, my Bedouin host father, while in Amman and we went out to a Nargilla/Cofee bar. I was amazed to see woman alone sitting and smoking. I’d not expected this society to be so thoroughly the same as the Israeli one. I’d expected at least a few more differences. I’d expected to find an at least slightly more traditional culture. Instead, the opposite if anything was true.

Petra was of course mind blowing and gorgeous. It truly defines the word wonder. No one can look at this city carved out of the mountain, and not be in awe at humanities potential. Mankind has near unlimited potential to positively affect the word around him. Yet, this potential can also be turned into something destructive. There is great promise and also great promise for destruction. This is never more apparent than when looking at one of the masterpieces of our achievement.

Parting truly is somewhat of a sweet sorrow. I know that line is quite trite and overused, but it is also brilliant and utterly prescient. Saying goodbye to a lifestyle and culture one has enjoyed for over  a month is a difficult transition. It is a strange process. It has a strong sense of absolute finality and yet the hope of potential return and perpetuation.I will miss quite a few things about the last month. Certainly my internship will not be one of them. I feel so unfulfilled by our near complete lack of activity. Every worthwhile event had us as observers rather than involved or coordinating.

On the last day our supervisor Yaela finally came back to the office after two weeks of not really being there, and immediately starting being annoyed at George who had had to leave early to catch the double cabs to and from Lakiya to bring his stuff. This was incredibly frustrating for me to see, because I felt that a supervisor who had hardly been around had lost her right to lecture and complain. She went with me to get some food and we talked about my paper and focus of research and I of course realized she would have had so much more to contribute and add to my knowledge if she had been around.

Yaela is an incredibly brilliant academic who is caught up will a million various things to do and just has no time. In an organization where she is the only truly fluent English speaker, this is problematic for American interns to say the least. She then sat us down and told us that our frustration is normal and we should realize is part of the NGO process. This truly put a lot of things in perspective for me. However, I still remained a bit frustrated. It is clear the NGO’s fighting for an unpopular and under recognized cause will have a lot of hurdles and hardships. They will face downtimes and moments of disorder and disarray. It seems particularly striking to me, however, that this organization is so fundamentally disorganized.

There seem to be systemic flaws stemming from the tension between elected and paid officials and a desire for glory. The RCUV seems an organization overly dependant on the personality of the leader and yet not grassroots in any basic way. The organization clearly suffers from internal tensions that may stop it from achieving all that it can. There is also a seeming disregard for clear order, delineated instructions and a chain of command which is so prevalent in American organizations.

Saying goodbye to my family was ultimately a much more difficult process. We exchanged gifts in a semi solemn moment. I bought them a Thinking Man stature for the house and a glass chess set, and they gave me robes for my father and myself and one for my girlfriend Sigourney as well as a hair covering for her. It will be interesting to see their reactions to these bits of tradition in modern day life. Rasim finally opened up his cell phone shop, which is also thoroughly exciting. They hopefully will be able to make money and gain business experience through this endeavor. It was nice to see more commercial enterprises open up in Lakiya even if they are not legal. Now, one can have a Bedouin Pizza and buy a cell phone to call home and tell them about it all within the same part of the neighborhood. Hopefully, the villages will continue to grow and to expand with or without the government’s aid. Human enterprise can hardly be suppressed.

I will miss many things. I will miss tea and what drinking tea represents. I will miss how meals are a unifying moment of family interaction. I will miss the seeming endless amounts of cousins, uncles and other relatives to meet and greet. Indeed, going back to my Israeli family or back home already feels like a lonely proposition. I will miss sitting on the floor and relaxing; leaning on pillows and thin ground mattresses is far less of a commitment than lying down on a bed, and therefore more accessible in the middle of the day. The feeling of relaxation even when there is much work to be done and the continual hustle and bustle of day to day life is all around is truly inspiring and worthwhile. Above all, I will miss the individuals. It is amazing how welcoming and warm they all were. How within the short time span we managed to become acquainted and begin to discuss matters of profound human and political importance. I feel I will be forever enriched by their knowledge and perspective.

Today and yesterday were days of social exchange. I visited George’s family on Monday and he visited mine tonight. It was nice to actually see each other outside of work and the office, and to be able to compare the lifestyles in our prospective families.

George’s father Khalid is one of the most passionately devout Muslims in the village, and therefore enjoys tremendously arguing with me about religion. We got into another heated bit of discussion which is seemingly ever so common these days.

George’s family lives in the periphery of the village and is surrounded by wildlife and solace. They are on the edge the mountain and therefore access to their house by car is precarious and difficult.

It is funny to notice how different the family lifestyle is. They do not have Television or Internet and therefore they seem to spend a lot more time interacting. I’ve throughout my experience felt that the family’s watching television or my use of the net has detracted from the amount of time I’ve had to discover new and even more wondrous things about the lifestyle and world.

Indeed, this seems to be one of the modern often ills of western society. We lose our opportunity to interact as we become absorbed in a virtual second life. Digital interaction in terms of instant messaging and texting has replaced old fashioned forms of communication. Clearly not everything about this is negative. Digital communication is responsive in a way that traditional medium and interaction can not be. There is something to be said for instant gratification. Yet, all too often technology allows us to splinter into our own private worlds. We have access to only the things we want and desire at the moment, and the rest of the world be damned. It is a strange contradiction indeed. More access to information often makes us fully ignorant about the reality of the world around us and the feelings of others.

When George visited my family, we had a big dinner which was nice and we sat around the table once again arguing about religion. Someone told me that I was a worse person because I was not religious, which truly offended me in a fundamental way. My lack of faith, I feel, has if anything made me a better and more tolerant person. It has allowed me to open my mind to the total equality of humanity. Something I feel was impossible to fully achieve before. Yet, it seems that this way of thinking is very prevalent.

I have only been an Atheist for less than a year, and already I am sick of being forced by others to try to justify my beliefs. Shouldn’t Atheism be the status quo belief of any educated person until contrary evidence is presented to make one believe. I’ve seen nothing to illustrate to me that there is a god, but the whole world seems to cry out that one does not exist. I’ve not seen a shred of proof of a supreme being or a solution that elegantly explain his seeming imperfections as a world creator, but I’ve seen a lot to support the natural evolution of the world and universe and its biological creation. There is no reason why not believing in such a complex entity that requires a complete abandonment of reason and logic should be abnormal or anything but the status quo.

I think George had a good time visiting and I certainly enjoyed visiting his family because it gave me another window of access into the lifestyle of families in Lakiya.

A word about the geography of the village and some other peripheral observations are in order. The village is set up in such a fashion that large amounts of blank space clearly remain open but under utilized. This is a fatal flaw of planning and true of all the Bedouin villages. The government simply never tried to understand how land ownership is understood among the Bedouin and therefore tries to now claim that this unused land is vacant. Yet, it is held by families who hold strong claims to it. No Bedouin would dare build on the land of the other.

The reason I mention this now, is that Salim interestingly talked to me today about how h perceives the village’s problems to stem from both government folly and Bedouin stubbornness. He views the politicians as all self interested and more concerned with aesthetics than improving schools and services. It seems unfortunate that these villages could theether so close to economic ruin at every moment, and yet not inspire some leadership that would revolutionize the system. Election seems to be based more on family loyalty than on skill, as patronage is expected and rewarded. The family continues to be the main unit of action, diluting individual opinion and choice These are fundamental problems in Bedouin society that must be addressed before their lot can be improved.

This morning was an incredibly frustrating and infuriating experience. I am still quite furious so I will probably not be able to be as objective as I normally would try to be.

I left my sister’s house this morning to go to the train station and take a train towards Beer Sheva. Getting there was already rather frustrating as finding a sherut was a drawn out process that took more than 30 minutes and I ended up at the station late for the train I had originally been planning to take.

Then when I tried to get into the train station, the person at the security checkpoint demanded to see my Identity Card. I told him that I do not have an identity card because I am not a resident, so he asked if I had a passport. I happened to have it on me because of the weekend trip near the border, so I took it out, but demanded he tell me why he was asking me for my passport. He refused to answer and I continued to ask and became more and more frustrated. He told me that if I wanted to go into the station that I better stop asking. Of course, I didn’t and we both become more aggressive, with him putting his hand in my face and demanding that I leave and me moving his hand away, cursing and trying to walk through into the station. He forcefully blocked my way and would not let me pass. At some point in this, he told me that if I didn’t like what I was doing I should call the police, so I had told him to do so but he refused. After this however, he said that he was considering calling the police and telling them that I had physically assaulted him in some way. Instead, another security guard came and when I told him what happened he reprimanded me saying that if someone does not carry their passport around at all times that he can not be allowed in to the station.

After this I left and took a sheruit to the Nataniya bus station and a bus to Tel Aviv and then to Beer Sheva, but was still enraged the entire time. Citizens must carry identity cards, but I’ve never heard of the need for tourist non residents to carry identification at all times when within a country. The worst part of the whole thing was that the whole process felt so arbitrary and lacking of any reason. If I had walked by a minute earlier or later or looked differently the whole thing probably would not have happened. It happened to be that something about my appearance or something else made a security guard want to question me and to see my identification. It felt so cruel and demeaning to see others walk by without any questions asked and to be stopped and not allowed to pass. I could not help but think about the dehumanizing process at the checkpoints with infinitely higher stakes. Holding a gun and having the ability to stop people at will is just in general too much power to give without setting proper guidelines and procedures. It seems to me that checking bags is one thing, and utterly permissible, but arbitrary questioning and stopping of people on a whim seems unjust. The big difference of course is that a Palestinian who does not cooperate could end up with a bullet in the head or in jail, while I could at worst be accused and maybe possibly temporarily detained.

I both love and loathe the part of my personality that seems to perpetually lead to these types of arguments. I get too riled up and passionate at the slightest feeling of injustice, this I know, but at the same time I feel that this is better than indifference. Above all, I can not stand feeling that feeling of arbitrariness. I want to know exactly what will happen if I do X but at the same time I think my level of emotion undermines the scientific and deterministic framework I hope to hold. I have the outlook on the world of a Newtonian scientist with the emotional outbursts and passionate view of life of the most degenerate child. It is a sad combination at times.

Yet, I looked into the set of the laws concerned the national identity card and who can ask for them and am technically in the right in this case.

 Any resident sixteen years of age or older must at all times carry an Identity card, and present it upon demand to a senior police officer, head of Municipal or Regional Authority, or a policeman or member of the Armed forces on duty. Since I am not a resident I do not need an identity card, and as far as I know the security guards in place in front of the train stations do not seem to meet any of these demands. They are not exactly armed forces or policemen, but instead seemingly private or state owned security forces. 

Of course, this fact is irrelevant, because in this country it so often feels like laws don’t matter. Since when did Israel become a police state?

I am always ambivalent when I visit the Golan Heights. It is a place of such superb beauty and therefore hard to imagine giving up, but I realize of course the utter necessity of doing so.

It is of course instructive to not that Israel annexed only the richest spoils from the 1967 war rather than the whole occupied territory. When you see the Golan today, it is sparkling with wineries and other industries.

We went to meet with a winemaker in the Golan and talked to him about his life there. When asked about peace, he said that he would like peace but can not live each day thinking about it. I of course asked about the Negev and whether he would consider going there if forced to leave the Golan.

Unfortunately, in such a small territory, peace on one front means hardships on those living in another area. The Bedouin of the Negev will of course suffer once peace is achieved, as the tens or hundreds of thousands of settlers will need somewhere new to go. Yet, most Bedouin I speak to are resolutely for a two state solution. This fact is strongly encouraging. They seem to speak in favor of it even if it could potentially harm them.

It is also tragic to imagine that this Winemaker would have to abandon his livelihood and craft for peace. So many lives are going to be broken and perhaps permanently shattered by a final peace accord. Yet, it seems manifestly necessary to prevent future wars and devastation.

Looking out into Syria from the top of the Golan, I could of course immediately see its strategic value. This further complicates hopes for peace, as there are fears that attacks could be launched from the top of the hill. Unfortunately, whenever one country or the other has seemed ready to push for peace, it always seems that something at the last minute aborts the process. Syria’s secret diplomacy in the past few years has gone unresponded to, and Israel now seems in a poor position to make territorial concessions. Also, it is manifestly clear that any solution on the Syrian front would delay a solution to the crisis of Palestinian Statehood for even longer.

Peace with Syria can be delayed for far longer than can peace with the Palestinians. The Palestinian situation must be solved justly in the near future or it can not. Syria is not under a great need for land, and its statehood is already well established. As long as war can be averted with Syria, the status quo is hardly tragic.

Amazingly inense weekend. I am certainly happy that I decided to go to the north.

First of all, we visited the Bahhai Gardens in Haifa. I was amazed by how this religion so thoroughly mixes eastern tradition with western monotheism. I think that if I were to become a theist again, that this faith would be strongly appealing. Yet, I looked further online and found that the faith is full of fasting and condemns things such as homosexuality in ways that other faiths do. It seems hypocritical that one faith can so emphasize tolerance and then be so close minded about individual’s lifestyles. The faith also talks about punishment at the hand of god while pretending to be truly tolerant and open. I want to know more about the faith but certainly feel that the belief in god is unnecessary in the first place. I think I’m going to stick with my universal secularism J.

Acko is such a fascinating historical place. I was swept away with how everything is full of complex layers of interwoven history. The crusader monuments, Turkish bastions and British bases all stand one onto of the other and hearken back to various periods. This is a city which fully shows the tumultuous history of the region. Most stark to me was the almost complete lack of a Jewish historical presence in the city. Yet, despite this fact, there was a Jewish Tour brochure available, but no Christian or Muslim one.

Indeed, this brochure was even more shocking because it referred to the Jewish terrorists who killed British innocents in the late years of the mandate and were imprisoned here as “freedom fighters”. I honestly laughed out loud when I saw this, because it shows how language is so conveniently utilized for ones disposal. These Jews were certainly as barbaric and horrific in their actions as the modern Palestinian terrorist, yet somehow, they do not receive the same level of condemnation among Jews. This criticism is not in the slightest targeted only against the Jews, as I feel that the Palestinian side is often quick to condemn the violence of the other side but less quick to condemn its own. Yet, historically the one standout element of the conflict was David Ben Gurion’s success in reigning in these splinter terrorist groups and achieving a consolidated security force. This was perhaps the biggest failure of Arafat in the Oslo years, though it is possible that under similar conditions of economic and social occupation that Ben Gurion may have failed as well. 

The Israeli-Lebanon border is a travesty in a way. It feels like a place under constant tension. At the moment we visited it seemed quiet and peaceful, and it was in fact hard to imagine that just the summer before there had been a full scale war with troops crossing the border. The Lebanese travesty last summer was a of course a horrific event, but it is more tragic that peace has still not been attained between Israel and its neighbors. It seems in history, that whenever one side has been close to making the concessions needed for peace, the other side has backed of at the last moment. In the 90’s, Israel was the one seemingly more willing to compromise, today we hear about the willingness of Syria to negotiate and to try to achieve some settlement. We hear about covert initiatives on their part. We see the willingness of the Arab League to strongly push for peace. Yet, Israel seems tuck by the inertia caused by its quagmire last summer, and paralyzed by the failure of the Gaza pull out.

The hostel/country we staying in over night as well as the concert we went to strongly harkened back to a more optimistic time in the Israeli discourse. I remember hearing artists such as Aviv Gefen in the 90’s and feeling the incredibly surge or strong peacenick and pro-oslo activism. The feeling of a nearby peace was indelible. This concert felt like a meaningless throwback to a bygone era. This was like Bob Dylan and Simon and Garfunkle without a political message and out of place. The music was not the music of today, but of yesterday. Of course, the people very much enjoyed this throwback to a more innocent time in the public perception and attitude, but it just seemed so futile. Likewise, the anti-governmental libertarian attitude of the hostel just seemed both appropriate and misplaced. Today anti-government attitudes are prevalent, but the common response is total apathy rather than revolution. This place seemed like one that would fit the 60’s generation of U.S hippies or the 80’s rejectionist movement against the Lebanese war, but surely not today’s Gilded Era of politics. Shimon Peres’s election as president as well as these events makes me briefly feel like I’m in the 90’s again and feel true optimism about the hope for peace. Alas, the hope for a new Middle East or even general peace has died in many Israelis hearts as well as minds.

Back to the office today and still nothing much to do. We contacted all of the various embassies but received few responses and a few fax numbers but have been unable to send anything because Yaela never comes to work and Sulliman is gone as well. Its hard to get together something to send to these various embassies when the two English speaking supervisors are not present. I understand that they all have other important duties and things to do, but it seems like bringing us to work here was a waste of time because they really didn’t have much in mind for us, and because they have been so busy with so many other things. It’s actually quite infuriating to feel utterly useless. I know this is a part of life I will have to learn for future work, but its still difficult.

Yaela has been going through a lot from what I have garnered though. She just sent her son of the army. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it must be to send of someone you raised from infancy to possibly die for things you can only feel ambivalent about.

Had a couple of very interesting conversations tonight with individuals in Lakiya about this topic. I asked if they feel Israeli and what they would do if Israel were in a war tomorrow with an Arab country such as potentially Syria. The responses were quite mixed. One cousin said he would rush to join the army because he feels Israeli in his blood, most others were much more ambivalent and generally said they would sit on the sidelines and not fight one way or the other. Someone else said that if the government would begin treating them correctly, he would do anything for the state including join the army.

It seemed very pronounced to me that these are individuals that would love to feel a belonging to the state, and that many would like to feel it cared about them as well. I heard stories of discrimination and bias on the part of fellow employees and police officers. One brother told me that one day his office got a new guard at the parking lot gate and this guard contemptuously glanced at him and questioned his place there. This was after several years of working with this company. He also told me how he had met a woman there who thought all Arabs were vile and disgusting, and only changed her opinion when he brought her to visit his family. He would also go to lecture at schools, and while doing so would often be asked by little Jewish students, “Where are your horns”.

I could not help but keep thinking back to European stereotypes about Jews throughout the years of the disapora, and wonder if this is an invariable part of being a minority in a nation, or if this fear and othering can truly be stopped..

I really feel that what happens in Israel in terms of education is a travesty. Students do not integrate and do not interact with each other. Jews may never meet Arabs outside of military service and then will be in a position of authority and superiority. I heard today about a failed kindergarden in Beer Sheva which would have integrated Bedouin, Arabs and Jews. Unfortunately, only a few Jewish parents were willing to send their children and it disbanded after a year or two due to fear and prejudice.  It is clear that the state must find a way to integrate its various constituents and to disband the stereotypes laden on both sides. 

Monday July 23^rd

Yesterday was exceptionally uneventful. Sundays mean that we can not call embassys or etc, so we spent the day resending emails to all the organizations we had sent emails to and received no response from. I’m still not expecting much in terms of responses.

Salim, his wife and two daughters have all been away in Tiberius and only get back on Tuesday night, so when I got back from my sister’s house on Sat night, I was picked up by Rasim, Ashraf and two other cousin’s. We went on a mad run around town picking up assorted bits of food to make a meal, and then they went out for hours to a birthday party and came back at like 3 am and blasted music. It was quite exhausting and I felt very alienated from the whole thing.         

Today we went back to Jerusalem to help with another protest in front of the Knesset. It was another exciting day which saw about 50 Bedouin standing and very actively chanting slogans. In fact, this was a much more active protest despite being smaller in numerical terms. I could just feel the raw intensity surging through the crowd.

Also of note, was the fact that several friends of Knesset came to show their support. I was able to hear one friend of Knesset be interviewed on Camera and speak about the interconnectedness of the Palestinian Issue and the Bedouin Issue and this seemed very interesting to me since I’d never really heard many Bedouin make that point.

This individual was incredibly potent as a speaker and talked about the addition of the Nakba to Israeli text books. I have seen the added sentence and do not feel it comes close to truly expressing the pain and anguish inflicted on the indigenous people of the nation, but even it is controversial. It just shows that the Jewish Israeli population at large is not ready to admit its collective guilt for the actions of its founding. Most Israelis would not even admit that there was a massive and systemic ethnic cleansing and transfer, let alone admit that it was unnecessary or in vain. The inability to admit this point makes a true peace difficult or impossible. Without admitting the guilt in causing the refugee crisis we can never accept any form of a right to return or view the piece process as anything but us giving in to a foe that has attacked us and hates us. This is blind and limited thinking.

I am enthralled by the concept of identity and think I want to write my paper on it. It seems that the identity of the Bedouin is complex and in flux. What part of Israeli or Palestinian identity can they claim and do they still maintain their Bedouin identity and how. These are the questions that truly pique my interest. It reminds me in many ways of the complex nature of Jewish identity today. I am an atheist but I would still call myself Jewish if I have to. This strange mix between religion, culture, ethnicity and nationhood is one of the more tricky concepts for non-jews to understand. Likewise, what defines and makes someone a Bedouin or not a Bedouin is incredibly tricky. If someone moves to Tel-Aviv can he still be called a Bedouin? This is a concept I am certainly going to continue to look into a research.

Nothing like getting your citizenship and patriotism attacked to really brighten your day…

I got into a pretty big argument with my brother-in-law about military service today and he essentially told me that he believes my citizenship should be revoked because I have not and will not serve in the army.

It is quite frustrating to have my sense of belonging challenged from two sides. In the first, I feel less and less that this land belongs to my ancestors and more that it was stolen from others. I feel estranged from the very process that led to the nation’s existence. Now, I am also being told from the other side that if I do not fight to propagate and support that theft that my identity and my belonging is also useless.

I feel that it’s the individual duty of any person opposed to warfare and bloodshed to morally oppose and conscientiously object from any support of the institutions of violence and killing as well as to promote this idea to others. I truly believe that if all those who truly opposed war would stand up and say so, that the war machine of the various nations would dry up. War requires soldiers to act as automatons without opposition, and I believe that when individuals act up and oppose that war can stop.

This of course does not mean that I do not believe in the existence of the state of Israel. I think that the state has as much right to exist as any other artificial state body. I do not believe that force should ever be required to be used to support the power of a majority over a minority. States are artificial entities that I ultimately think are dangerous formulations. Ultimately I truly believe a new world order or global government must be created to unify all individuals. However, until that point I believe nations must be as just as possible.

As a state, this means extended every right to minority groups and dissolving any elements that enforce a majority identity on groups that are not a part of it. It means becoming a multiracial nation rather than a monolithic one in which identity is forced. It means following a rule of law that is equal for all and applied so as well.

Citizenship must therefore also be given fairly and not revoked for disputes or disagreements. Individuals must be part of a civil society and service, but alternatives must be offered for morally repugnant requirements. This is the basis of a society that truly respects the beliefs and views of its citizenry and allows them to live a decent life.

I also firmly hold that the Israeli-Palestinian conflict must be solved justly or else Israeli society will continue to be eaten away by demographic demagoguery and a constant paranoid fear of loss of identity.

On more practical terms, I went and saw the 5^th Harry Potter movie with my nephew today which was very exciting. It made me sad though to realize how little emphasis and value he places on reading. He’s never read any of the books and no interest in other books and series. I notice this regularly both within my family and also within the Bedouin community I am staying with. Reading used to be of such importance to the intellectual community and particular to Israel as it sought to establish itself as a first world nation. I feel that this regression in literacy is utterly dangerous to the intellectual and moral growth of a nation. The internet is a substitute at times and can expand to truly provide the feeling of an intellectual community rather than a one way conduit of information, but it is still vital that the habit and desire to acquire new information and to enter new fantasy worlds through imagination be reinforced.