Finale without finality
Looking back at the whole program, I can hardly imagine summing up all of my feelings. It was such a complex experience for me. The presentations made me realize how powerfully emotional this experience was for each of the individuals involved, but I feel that only a few had quite the personal identity challenge that I had.
The week immediately after the program had me staying with my cousin and aunt. It was than that I realized how much my perspective had shifted over the past few years. The vicious political arguments and fights I found myself involved in made me feel like a complete outsider. I continually find myself accused of wanting to see the state of Israel destroyed and not caring what happens to my family or others living there. This has been an incredibly painful and difficult phenomenon because I strongly care about them and feel that what I am fighting for is in the state of Israel’s best interests.
This experience led me to realize that Israel has been a nation stilted from dealing with its internal challenges. The conflict has distracted it from coming to terms with so many deep rooted ills. I find that the potential contradictions inherent in the states character may never be overcome, but know that they never will be even tackled while foreign policy is the only salient policy divide between political parties.
I’ve also come away incredibly pessimistic on the whole. The hope for peace that was present in the 90’s just seems completely gone in the eyes of the Israeli public. Israeli’s seem to have no grand policy ambitions of goals, and just hope to continue the status quo and avoid any major harm or disaster. The public conflates the Palestinians with the greater war on terrorism and radical Islam to such a degree that trust seems impossible. Internally, minorities are despised and treated with such open contempt. Everyone must constantly reassert his rights and credentials to be part of nation. It is a tragic existence of constant tension and lack of self confidence. It is one that I’ve painfully been a part of. It is one that challenges one’s own personal dignity and one’s integrity.
The democratic nature of the state of Israel hardly seems to assist in this process. The Knesset seems stagnant and unable to do anything unique. Our Bedouin day at the Knesset seems to have just been rhetoric, because soon after several houses were again demolished. Likewise, this democracy seems to be full of rhetoric and hard on concrete action. It is depressing to see such an unresponsive democratic government. Just like the people, the government seems to be cruising and trying to avoid catastrophe, but attempting little more than that.
On the NGO front, hope is hardly generated as well. Organizations seem too disorganized and seem to attract too little in terms of grassroots support to actually lead to fundamental change. These organizations seem to be continually mobilizing their own limited base of activists and making little impact. The average Israeli is completely ignorant of most of their actions. Only a few groups reach mainstream consciousness and are then most likely to be the most timid. Little seems to be accomplished on this front.
It is utterly depressing to feel so drained of any hope. The Israeli government continues its policy of occupation and internal destruction so efficiently, and it seems that nothing can be done. It will soon be too late for a two state solution based on just principles, and than I fear that a Jewish state will not be able to sustain itself aside from through bloodshed. It is so fundamentally important for me to see the state continue, because I understand what the holocaust paranoia and fear of oppression will do if threatened. I understand that an individual who feels danger from all sides will respond with aggression or even force at the slightest provocation. I understand that balance is needed because without it the region will constantly be in danger of a sprawling and spreading war. We may be dealing with the last bits of hope before a dark age of conflict dawns. We would be wise to capitalize on the last throes of opportunity while it Is still possible.
Yet, a few things give me hope. The Bedouin and the fewer Palestinians I met with a talked to all seemed to believe that peace was in some way still possible. They knew that hard concessions would be needed on their part and on the part of their governments, but were willing to act to achieve peace. I still truly believe that Israelis also want peace. They view it as unreachable and view the peace process as a dangerous one, but still will succumb to their longing to harmony if they view it as within their grasp. The public can rally behind a true leader questing for peace. Israel’s on the whole would be willing to give up almost anything to feel true serenity. They just don’t believe that this serenity is possible at all. In this sense, things can change. Optimism and hope can and must be resuscitated within the Israeli public. Democratic societies have the beautiful quality of being incredibly dynamic. Things will change. People will once again feel that peace is possible. Hopefully this change will not occur too late.
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